I cried my eyes out cleaning out my closet today.
How insane does that sound?
I worked in the fashion industry for nearly 2 decades so naturally, I have a lot of clothes.
I needed to purge. I needed to organize and reset, get rid of stagnant pieces, ones I know I won’t wear or need again. So I cleared out the entire closet (pictured here the beginning stage of clearing it onto the floor) and started over.
Having been unemployed and with stay at home efforts, I have not dressed up in almost a year. I’ve lived in atheleisure and it’s been only about comfort. How different from just last year when I would get completely dressed, hair, makeup, heels- Monday-Friday. I dressed to inspire, just a basic part of my job to look the part.
So as I went through each single piece of mine, I was inevitably taken back to certain memories tied to the clothes. Each one tying back to a time I remember, most of the fond memories. It even actually made me miss the fashion world just a little bit even if I still feel so burnt out. I never really wanted to go back and would rather explore another industry but it’s that’s hard… it’s all I know.
It might sound hysterical, but I feel in a way that I am grieving.
I am grieving the loss of a career without another direction yet.
I am grieving my past efforts and successes as they seem to distant and far away now.
But as I slowly started to create my piles of keep, donate, in storage- I turned to gratitude. My yearning for what is missing right now diminished just a little as I started listing off the things I am thankful and the opportunities and experiences I was able to have. To travel and starting to live the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pandemics are humbling. This is an ongoing journey back on the path I am meant to be on.
But in this moment, I want to stay thankful for what I still have.
And maybe that’s a tiny bit of growing I’m having right now… maybe.
#MyselfReminders- Take time to grieve, reflect and to give thanks. If we can’t be grateful for what we have, how can we ask for more right? Remind me to stay in gratitude.