I’ve had so much on my mind and yet, I feel like I’m not processing anything. I don’t think I’m accepting the reality of my life right now… have you felt this way? Where you just feel paralyzed and can’t move…not literally but mentally… you’re stuck. You are just there. Not moving, not progressing, not growing, not advancing, just there….just a warm body taking up space.
My brother went to heaven. These are some of my thoughts to him…
It’s been 2 months since you left us here broken and in disbelief. There have been over a dozen times I’ve needed to talk to you since, almost breaking my own heart every time my natural instinct tells me to “talk to K”… I feel panicked remembering you’re not there.
I find myself msging you just to keep your text thread from moving down and out of sight. Is that crazy?
You were a safe anchor to me. One of the most private people I knew but made sure I knew I was never alone because we are family. You pushed me. You taught me to toughen up. You gave me advice on any annoying thing I brought up… Never ONCE judging me or making me feel less than. But still unafraid to give me tough love. In a nice way ☺️
We understood each other. You said so all the time. Especially the last few yrs, I leaned on you and I think you also must have felt that safe to open up to me more. How could you just abandon us? I’m so mad at you. You should be here.
You did too much. Always taking care of others. You should be here. You should be enjoying and living, reaping the benefits of all your hard tireless years.
God had different plans so I have to trust His way…but it still feels awful.
I miss you.
I love you.
This hurts so much.